Thursday, October 08, 2009

I MISS YOU, MOM

SHIRLEY CREW
BELOVED MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER, DAUGHTER, AND FRIEND
SEPTEMBER 16, 1934 - OCTOBER 8, 1996


Mom behind her desk at work. She hated having her picture taken, but she actually liked this picture and gave it to me as a gift one year.


KERI'S BIRTHDAY AT ESKIMO JOE'S
AUGUST, 1996
This is me on the left, my sister, Tammy, and Mom. It was taken about two weeks before she went into the hospital for the last time.


Okay, before you all get your tissues out, I'll let you know right up front that this is not meant to be a sad and dreary post. I hope I got that nonsense out of my system about three weeks ago, on Mom's birthday. My post today is simply to let everyone know that I miss my Mom terribly, and I want you all to know what a wonderful, loving, generous, funny, and caring person she was.

Mom was born on September 16, 1934, in Healdton, Oklahoma. She was an only child, due to the fact that her parents divorced when she was 5, and my grandmother never remarried. She, instead, devoted the rest of her life to Mom and to my sister and me after our arrival.

Mom was very popular as a teenager and looking back at her highschool yearbooks, it seems she was just about "Miss Everything". She was the band majorette, she was homecoming queen, she sang in the glee club, she presided over the Student Council, and she was voted "Miss Healdton High" her senior year. Due to limited funds, rather than go off to college, Mom attended secretarial school in Oklahoma City. After graduation, she was hired at Pan American Petroleum Company. That is where she met my dad, Ken. In 1952, they were married. Six years later, yours truly was born. (Me!)  In 1964, my sister was born, and our family was complete.

I look back on my childhood, and I could not have asked for anything more wonderful. My sister and I grew up in a warm and loving home, with two of the most incredible parents anyone could ever ask for. One week after my 16th birthday, however, my dad destroyed everything our family had come to enjoy. He left us "to get his life figured out", but we later found out that it was because of another woman . . . one that was about 10 years older than me. They ultimately married, but that didn't last long, and he spent the next 10-15 years, searching. He went from job to job and woman to woman, but I think in reality, no one could compare to my mother, and therefore, he never settled down with anyone again. Today, he is a hermit . . . sad and depressed, lonely and pitiful, who finds really nothing of joy in life except his liquor, cigarettes, and television.

Well, now that I got off the subject . . . . . . back to my mom. What a beautiful person she was. When my dad left, my mother's heart was broken, I think literally. She never got over the loss of her first true love, and years later, it was the failure of her heart that led to her demise.

Mom was not perfect. She had her flaws just like we all do. She would not put down her beloved cigarettes, which she started smoking when she was 16, back when it was okay and cool to do such things. After her heart failure resulted in three-vessel heart bypass surgery, she still continued to smoke those damn things. Her cardiologist finally sat her down and flat out told her, very bluntly, that she was going to die . . . soon . . . if she did not stop smoking.

Alas, she finally stopped. But, it was too late. The cigarettes contributed to her lung problems, which of course, exacerbated her heart disease. Ultimately, the cause of her death was attributed to a collapsed valve, which they said could not be replaced because of the poor condition of her heart and lungs. I mentioned in my post on Mom's birthday (Sept. 16) that I took her to the hospital on September 16, and after three weeks in the ICU, she very quietly passed away on October 8th, 1996.

I don't really know how to explain it, without it sounding cold and callous, but I was somewhat relieved when the nurse told me that Mom was gone. She was dependent on a ventilator, and was being fed through a stomach tube. By the end, I don't think she recognized us, and we were unable to really communicate with her. I know Mom would not have wanted to live like that. So, it was somewhat of a blessing to know that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

So, today is not as difficult for me to get through as you might expect. It's always there, in the back of my mind, like a really scary movie or a horrible nightmare, but after all these years, I prefer now to focus on the beautiful person my mother was, and to remember her generosity and her love for my sister and me, her grand-daughter, Ryanne, and all her furry friends.

Thank you for letting me share with you. It's good therapy for me to express my thoughts, and I hope I didn't bore you or depress you too much. I would just like to end by saying that I hope all of you tell your family and friends you love them often, give them hugs whenever you can, and be patient and understanding, even though it's incredibly hard sometimes.




10 comments:

  1. Well, I did get out the tissues but my cry was for your happy memories and not for the sad ones. Thank you for sharing the memories of your mother with me.

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  2. Awww....I knew you had previously mentioned today was the day. I didn't forget. I am so glad you have fond memories of your precious mother. You were truly blessed and as your new friend...I am glad.

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  3. Keri, Your feelings should NEVER be considered "nonsense"! There is nothing wrong with how you feel.. but the way I see it, it does appear you are handling your feelings in a POSITIVE way! You're remembering all the good in your Mom, and I'm guessing that's probably what she would WANT you to remember. As I've said before, you are very lucky and blessed to have had such a wonderful mother who loved you and your family like she did! ((Big Hugs)) ~tina

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  4. Hi Mommy! I am so sorry about Grandma Sherly! It makes me happy that you still have good things to think about and not one of those poeople that sit there all day thinking "Oh why, why, why"?

    -Hunter-
    P.S I'm having a hard time reading your comments! Will you please change that?

    Love you!

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  5. Thank you for sharing such a warm, wonderful, interesting passage about you, your mother, and your family. I am so very lucky to have both my parents still, so I can't know the extent of you sadness of the loss of your mom, but just know there is a star with her face looking down and over you "girls".

    How interesting about your NASCAR conection. Like I said, I'm still pretty much in the closet up here. Only my closest freinds and family know. I was so happy all weekend. NASCAR has the best fans of anywhere; kind and considerate. They treat ladies like ladies and always let children go first to see their driver.
    I understand about the OU afgahn. Austen's dorm had a fire in the basement last week and the first thing out of my mouth was "Where's the afghan??? LOL. Everything was fine and they were back inside the next day.

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  6. MY MOTHER DIED 39 YEARS AGO AND IT STILL HURTS. LIKE YOU IT WAS A SAD BUT GREATFUL DAY WHEN SHE WENT HOME. NO MORE PAIN FOR HER. I ALSO TRY TO MAKE IT A DAY OF REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES NOT THE SAD TIMES.
    I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS BUT GLAD YOU HAD SO MUCH LOVE TO SEE YOU THROUGH.

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  7. Your mom was precious to all who knew her and she is missed very much. I have such fond memories of her and some of my happiest moments are times spent with you and your family.

    My current living situation has been difficult and this morning was rough. However, reading your blog made me remember that I need to cherish the times I have with my family and to get past our little indifferences and grasp that they are my family and they are all I have.

    Much love to you...You have touched so many the same way your mom has and I think she would be proud to know that she raised some beautiful woman, inside and out.

    WE MISS YOU VERY MUCH SHIRLEY, THE WORLD IS A LITTLE LESS LOVELY WITHOUT YOU IN IT. BUT TODAY YOU ARE AMONG THE ANGELS AND ARE A DELIGHT TO YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER. WE COULD NEVER TAKE HEAVEN'S ANGEL AWAY FROM THEM BY ASKING FOR YOU BACK. SO NOW WE JUST SEARCH TO KNOW GOD AND WAIT PATIENTLY FOR OUR TIME TO JOIN YOU. TILL THEN MY FRIEND....

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  8. I'm not very good at comforting comments, Keri. But your mother looks like a sweet lady and I'm very sorry that you don't have her around anymore. Hugs.

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  9. Keri:
    How eloquently put. It was as if I could here your voice tell me the story of your mom.

    Thanks for sharing. I popped over to hunters blog and left her like 10 comments.

    Oh it takes no time to get addicted but make sure she gets outside in the sunshine too, we have having major problems with children health due to lack of sunshine and feed her more green leafy veggies....the sun give you vitamin D3 and Chlorophyll is good for the body which only the sun can produce in green veggies which are great for everything.

    I am right here, haven't gone away! I have been working lots, and working on crochet xmas presents.
    I did have a sore throat and stuffed up nose. Haven't been sleeping too good you know that 45 peri meno crap!
    Enjoy your weekend and now I have to get to answering the questions on Hunters blog award.

    Oh I like this blog paper, festive! lol

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